Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Holding On

I've been gone a while. It takes a good deal of effort to reinvent one's profession. Time is precious and writing most of the pertinent stuff here, for me, takes a good bit of time. This isn't one of those occasions.

It's scary time for many. Neighbors out of work. Church friends, too. Making about half what I made last year and that wasn't great, I realized that Einstein's classic definition of insanity applied firmly to me - repeating the same thing and expecting different results. So I zigged when others zagged. It has yet to pay off.

I am thankful to God for all that I am, for all that He gives me, and angry at Him at the same time - a young father died unnecessarily a few weeks ago, a child of the church a couple months before that. I'm thankful, but probably depressed. As I sat and prayed a few minutes ago I poured my guts out and heard nothing but the fizz of the soda can on the table next to me. Might be my issue, not His.

My church is about to go into a tizzy over sexuality. The ELCA will be making a statement soon basically saying that the local churches have to decide if they will allow gay marriage, gay pastors, openly gay members. My church is full of people young and old, but predominantly conservative and proudly so. I'm deciding whether to stay and speak what needs to be said, or simply go if it comes to that. I'm not sure I have the energy for it.

They've been saying the Bible is perfect lately. God's Word, kept perfect by the hand of man. Yeah, right. I believe God could make the Bible perfect if He wanted to, but I also believe he's letting us have our own run at a lot of things, the Bible included. I believe the Bible holds God's Word and His words. It's the best connection we've got, but I find flaws, the touch of man's ego and arrogance. How could that not be!

I believe in God. In Jesus, His Son, who walked this planet as a man, my savior come judgment day and my guide in each moment. I know I'm flawed just as every one of us is and I know I'm better than I was before I got to know Jesus but I am still flawed. And still God loved me enough to give the life of his own son, and I'll say it was as if God himself was on that cross. God opened up His covenant to allow for His ... dare I say errors ... in making us. It's a confused thought, really, and I think it's something we aren't meant to or capable of understanding, but why would God think Eden would turn out one way and get all angry when it didn't?

The sermon this past Sunday was almost an apologetic for some of the more recent rhetoric about Biblical perfection and innuendo of conservative nature. It was titled, "But...I Don't Understand" and our pastor was saying much the same as I feel - there is so much that I don't understand about God.

But I'm holding on.

1 Comments:

Blogger Christian Democrat said...

This is a test to see if comments are working on a new domain host!

8/11/2009 4:22 PM  

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